on the verge of breaking down.....physically and mentally.......

hmmm............thx for all those who read my blog........didnt expect anyone to read it.........and its like just crazy stuff inside.........just venting out the confusion.....the pain.....the tireness in me.......thought things will improve........but no.......i dun know who u are but one of u tell me to just give up and find another..........if it is tt easy......i would have done and i doubt tt is call love..........yet another said waiting is good...........how good is good............right now i am still like helping her with all my might.........sometimes i am sooooooo tired i really wanna give up.......but she needs help..........and i am the only one who knows her well enough.........her design....her works.......u think its good???........thinnnk again......she only acknoledge my help as a senior........when i met her in sch...........she was like avoiding me.......yet when toking online and sms..........she seems so cheerful to me...........its so complicated..........dun know y.........bcos she dun want her friends to see me with her?............or wat?...........i once really hacked care cos i really tired........and stop smsing or online ..........but she asked me for help.........i cant stop tt............i cant avoid tt...........how can i just dun help anyone?............i helped her soooooooo much...........i alr lost sleep for my own design then seeing her keep dozing off..........i stayed up to help her and make her stay awake as well............now i have like 2 week no ample sleep............keep having headache.............btu then............it is like became a habit...........i wanna sleep also cant.........only keep dozing off in lesson or class...........i can see high potential in her...........everytime i helped her ........she become much better...........if i dun care abt her..........her standard drop immediately............i dun want to see tt...........i hate to see ppl that i helping to quit.............somemore is her.........haiz...........then the more she become better..........i can forsee sooner or later...........i will be useless to her.............like..........i am really just a senior to her??????...........i dun know..........maybe love is really selfish or selfless.........u just the other party to be happy......well...........i am really mentally going to break down...........am i really tt desperate?..........i wanted to be a loner.........to be myself...........but tt loneliness is not someone who can handle easily..............i only want ONE to be by my side............wat so hard abt tt??????????.............haiz............and helping her so much.....i really breaking down physically..........maybe its a good thing.............maybe after helping her........my destiny is fulfilled and i can leave this god damn world.............i think i am selfish too..........i am like helping for the sake of her accepting me...........arrrrrrrrrr.............. i hate myself...............i hate to be alive..............i think i will just help her and do my stuff and just continue to deteriorate..................till i am gone............wonder how long will tt be.............i shall be mean.......evil or just bad..........so no one will cry..........seeing ppl cry is painful..........so i am always appearing to be happyl................y want to affect ur saddness to ppl when one ppl sad is more than enough??

another song again......which make me feel a lot like me..................yah i know it might be the same to many ppl too but.........i am me.........this is just wat i feel sooooo much now..............haiz..............



如果这是最后的结局
为何我还忘不了你
时间改变了我们告别了单纯

如果重缝也无法继续
失去才算是永恒
惩罚我的认真是我太过天真

难道我就这样过我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最爱的人
为你等从一开始盼到现在也同样落得不可能

难道爱情可以转交给别人
但命运注定留不住我爱的人
我不能我怎么会愿意承认你是我不该爱的人

如果再见是为了再分
失去才算是永恒
一次新的记忆为何还要再生

难道我就这样过我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最爱的人
为你等从一开始盼到现在也同样落得不可能

难道爱情可以转交给别人
但命运注定留不住我爱的人
我不能我怎么会愿意承认你是我不该爱的人

拿什么作证
从未想过爱一个人
需要那么残忍才证明爱得深